


101 Uses for Spell Check

by someinstant



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-26
Updated: 2011-02-26
Packaged: 2017-10-15 23:13:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/165852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someinstant/pseuds/someinstant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I haven't had breakfast, I'm sleep deprived and surrounded by idiots using visible comma splices, and more to the point, the cofee's misspelled. Get you're ass into the lab and help me fix this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	101 Uses for Spell Check

**Author's Note:**

> Once upon a time, SVMadelyn hosted a BadFic Mini Ficathon on her LJ. Basically, everyone submitted a really, really hideous summary for a story, and then they were assigned at random to various authors, and we had to write a story based on the summary we received. I had _totally_ forgotten that I'd ever written such a thing. This was my prompt: _John and Rodney met once when they were young and had sekrit sex. Much later, in Atlantis - John remembers and Rodney doesn't! Can the rugged soldier convince the brilliant blue-eyed physicist that they're meant to be?_ (Summary prompt courtesy of yin_again.)
> 
> So. Just-- consider the following a riff on the idea, yeah?

John leaned against the wall of the shower, still too bleary-eyed to be fully bipedal. _Bed_ , he thought. _Bed is good_ , and nodded to himself for emphasis. But he had a galaxy to save, and scientists to annoy, and if he stayed in the shower too long it was possible the world would end.1

"In my next life," he announced to the foggy mirror as he toweled off, "I will hibernate through mornings." That sounded good. "I will hibernate through mornings," he continued while searching for just the right black t-shirt, the one that really said _Friday_ , "and I will have an endless supply of beer and football." John picked up his comm from the counter, slid it into place, and was about to add something about buying his own really really fast jet to the hibernation list when it happened.

"Col. Shepperd?" It was Rodney, but-- hmm. Perhaps he had a cold?

"What can I do for you, McKay?" he asked.

"Oh, good," said the voice in his ear. "It hasn't gotten to you yet."

John tightened the holster on his thigh. "Is there a problem?" It was a little early in the morning to start shooting things, but he could deal. And if the crisis was anywhere near the mess, maybe he could swing by and grab a muffin on his way.

"Well, yes," Rodney said, sounding annoyed. "I don't think it's to serious-- crap. _Too_ serious. But we could use some help in Lab Six if your not busy right now. _You're_. If you're not busy."

"You know, Rodney," John said, heading out of his quarters, "I know it's not wormhole physics, but I kinda thought you'd know the difference between a personal pronoun and a contraction."

"Bite me," McKay said, syrupy sweet. "I will blow up your shower-- hey. How'd you know witch _your_ I was using?"

John shrugged into the comm. "Dunno. And it's _which_ , not _witch_." He paused. "Huh. Witch. Which. Witch. Which. Witch--"

" _Thank_ you for the demonstration, Cornell--"

" _Cornell_?" John snorted.

"You see why I used the abbreviation before?" Rodney sounded seriously miffed. "As I said earlier: bite me. I haven't had breakfast, I'm sleep deprived and surrounded by idiots using visible comma splices, and more to the point, the cofee's misspelled. Get you're ass into the lab and help me fix this."

John picked up the pace and decided to forego the muffin stop. "I have this plan," he told Rodney has he ducked into a transporter. "In my next life, I am going to hibernate through all mornings."

"Oh; god," Rodney said, his voice breaking over the awkward semi-colon. "Me to."

 ** _Note:_** The rest of this story is not properly written out, mainly because of the pain and suffering the grammatical/orthographic errors would cause. (Also because I am lazy and need more time to do this well.) But this is what happens:

John arrives in Lab Six, and notices that something's gone all funny. Rodney seems fine-- really, _really_ fine, actually-- his biceps are kinda mesmerizing and wow, those are some piercing baby blues and jesus mary and joseph, but does he have an ass. The rest of the scientists are a little worse for wear, and sort of faded into the background (John has the urge to call them all Johnson or Smith, when he has to call them anything at all.) The spelling has, if anything, gotten worse.

"Whats going on?" John asks.

MacKay winces, and says something about how Zalanka touched an Ancient device-- it looked sort of like a big rainbow-colored eraser (erasure? eraser? erasurer?)-- and then the problems started.

"But that doesn't make any sense, Rodney! Zala-- shit. Zalank-- _shit_! Zal _e_ nka doesn't even have the ATA gene!" John protests.

"And now its starting to effect my work!" Rodney wails, ignoring John's stunning logic. "I cant' get the godamn apostrofes where I want them, and I ve never used so many fucking exclaimation points in my life and its driving me crazy!" Crystal tears stand out in his azure eyes, and John really really wants to brain himself for using the word _azure_ , given that it's his POV.2

Braining inclinations aside, John finds himself murmuring dreamily, " _You_ drive me crazy, Rodney."

He blinks.

Rodney blinks.

John thinks for a second. It's always harder than it looks on television. "Do you remember that time I transfered to your high school and we lost our virginity together and then we were tragickally seperated?" he asks.

"Nope," Rodney says. "My sexual history is to patched and tragic for me to remember the only time I truely made love."

"Oh, good," John says. "There was a lot of throbbing and no lube, so thats-- _that's_ probably for the best."

"Oh," says Rodney. "Throbbing?" he repeets.

"Shut up and hand me the doohickey so I can turn it off, MacKay."

*

(And then this author stepped away from the crackpipe, and John and Rodney managed to spell their last names correctly, and all was right with the world.)

 

* * *

  
  
1\. No, really. It might.

2\. Seriously. How can anyone be truly rugged and manly and still use the word azure? Excepting, of course, Scrabble situations.


End file.
